I'm going to a job interview tomorrow so I might as well make a related post, about jobs for my characters
For daichi it's important to the story that he have a job at certain parts, but it's been hard to decide on what he should do. when I first made him I tacked on the trait that he was good with computers & that technology was his main interest, but that ended up being merely a placeholder and didn't stick. it fits a lot more with his character now that his hobbies and interests aren't easily job-able. he likes being outside, cooking as a hobby, riding his bike, but none of those things would translate to a job for him, he's not particularly talented at cooking or biking he just finds them enjoyable pastimes (cooking to bond with his mom and because it's kind of meditative, biking bc it intersects with his interest in being outside and it helps him get away in a similarly meditative way) there are 3 parts to the story, and daichi needs a job in parts 2 & 3. his part 2 job is probably some throwaway like a basic entry level retail position (which he hates but can do) and doesn't need to be anywhere with anything related to him/his interests. a bookstore. idk is a bookstore a dated reference? hahah hah. in part 3 he's moved out to the city so I felt that harkening back to that shoehorned-in hobby of computers from the beginning was actually kind of appropriate, as he doesn't have access to the countryside like he used to so having a indoors-bound job isn't so weird, so I have been thinking computer lab tech at a school or library or something. something not actually very hard, and boring and uneventful. managing keeping the computers up to date, helping old people use the internet, organizing a zillion powerstrips. at the time of where ever I'd end the story (still not sure lol it's not a very well structured experience) he's the only one with a job. it takes suzu a long time to get a job. He went to school in business like his mother wanted, but after graduated decided to finally just not associate with her anymore, stop accepting money from her, and enters a rut. he would be very rusty at piano at this point having had to pretty much give it up to keep up with school. where daichi is ok with having a mind numbing job, suzu is totally not, so it's not until he REALLY NEEDS TO help daichi that he tries to get a job. he is more likely the one to end up in an idyllic, character-fitting job, like running a music store selling/renting instruments lol. the idyllic character-fitting jobs feel to me at the same time hokey and very satisfying lol. I can def see suzu frequenting some local store to use their piano, seeing as he doesn't own one of his own anymore, and making friends with the owners, eventually taking it over, etc. speaking of idyllic jobs, in post-story AU of nate&rhamiel (nathan & rémy) they totally end up working at a garden store or something like that. I'm jsut gonna go with it. plants are so much easier to draw than like 90% of all things on this planet, I'll make as many of my stories have to do with plants as I want. In the main story, nate works at a supermarket and it's plot-important. a conundrum is for sean & yui's story, wtf sean does to support himself after the story. it's like one of my most unrealistic (not a good word... idealized? not-bound-by-real-world-rules? ??ethereal??) stories. he basically acts as not a whole single person throughout the story so it feels weird making him get a job. I should point out this is mostly to talk to myself. I know I'm the only one reading with a baseline of context to understand the majority of what I'm saying here lol. I am writing this post bc I'm feeling weird and need calming down. I'm apprehensive about getting a job. my anxious side wants to sabotage myself and hopes I bomb the interview but my whatever-other-side knows that gamestop is probably the least awful place for me to work so I hope I get it. I need a job because the more years I go with nothing to put on a resume, the more and more bad it looks. My dad actually told me once that if an employer sees a large gap in time with nothing to say for on a resume they assume it's prison time or something like that. it's jsut up against this wall that I'm thinking "oh but all this stuff I wanted to do, how will I do them if I don't have time". Like if I weren't worried about having a job soon, I might have resubbed to ffxiv for a month, or worked on the next chapter of the [forgotten] pokemon comic I was so excited about last year (a ha ha ha) but in all likelihood I wouldn't have done those things even if I had all the time. I've got my own number by now on this stuff
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daichi and suzu are.... at least 8 years old characters now. after I made them they started to take on a self-insert or self-representation quality as ocs tend to... I put into them my feelings of what I wanted in love (in the future), and interpretations of who i thought I am, I grew very very close to daichi and would sometimes sub him in instead of myself in my thoughts. Dressing, acting, and exercising myself judging the world like he would became a way to make doing mundane but difficult things like leaving the house or being alone with myself easier, and also I got to know him and suzu's dynamic really well through & through. I coveted their bodies too as I started having dysphoria around these times (but I didn't know what it was). the ways they interacted with eachother, where they lived, their whole way of existing were pretty much my ideal, as someone who had yet never, and resigned to the likelihood I'd never date or love anyone or have sex.
I've mentioned to some people before of feeling like I've had a "falling out" with my ocs, daichi and suzu in particular, but idk if I've told all but maybe one exactly why... all those ideals I had were things I was able to get enjoyment and happiness from just thinking about, but I brought them with me into my first relationship, which ended up dragging out over almost 2 years and being very painful, crashing and falling apart slowly and unstoppably. At the time I felt, even though I'd acted on my ideals, that I'd been soooo let down, and the ideals I held took on a sour taste when I'd think about them. I couldn't value them anymore because I felt I'd seen how they would play out, in my own relationship which had been so messed up and unfixable. So I couldn't bear to deal with daichi and suzu anymore because I honestly felt like ~love was a bunch of crap~ and everything I'd written for them was worthless because it was impossible. I could only ever imagine them unhappy like I was. I ignored them for a while (I actually ignored most things for a while), I drew shallower characters around that time so I could keep drawing but not have to confront anything emotional. I feel like lately I'm ready to get on with things though and reclaim what i'd abandoned, but I'm thinking about how to do that now. I think I know how to keep more distrance now. I need to not let characters become so exactly like me that my expectations for real things are warped. Things that would ultimately make sense for daichi, but that I would never do, I can't shut that out anymore jsut to please myself. this sounds weird but it's bad for daichi's integrity lol. for instance if I honestly want to experiment with the idea that daichi takes up smoking cigarettes for instance, even though I am puritanically against them for myself, I can do that. I AM actually historically good at separating reality from fiction, things that work in reality vs things that are ok in fiction (aforementioned relationship was an exception for reasons that would run this post out even longer..... and mainly why I was so humiliated and horrified at myself for letting things happen that I knew would NEVER WORK). It's frankly bad how much I've been twisted towards the idea that you can't write about things you don't personally believe in, or that i you present or explore something it means you condone it. that's a very juvenile, simplistic way to interpret things especially on someone like me who draws for fun and not to send a message or make an impact on the world at all. I can't be sucked in by that anymore. but yeah anyway, I AM going to get daichi and suzu back, and i'm gonna remember how to love/value myself in the process. |
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April 2016
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